By Matt Dawson
Anyone can give you tips on who you should be dating and what kind of a person you should consider marrying. However, I wanted to have a little fun and give you an idea of some people that you SHOULD NOT date or marry. A lot of these seem silly or like some kind of hyperbole, but know that there is truth at the core of each of these kinds of people.
MEN: 5 Women you Should Not Date/Marry
1. The “My Way or Meltdown” Girl
This is a girl who struggles with control. She doesn’t even know fully that she’s doing this, but when things don’t go her way, or she doesn’t get what she feels she deserves – EVERYTHING comes crashing down. Sometimes, it makes you feel good – because you can step in (THE BIG STRONG BOYFRIEND) and “save” her.
The problem is that you will never be able to save her enough to ultimately get past this issue. As long as she has someone acting as functional “savior” – she will never place her full trust and dependance in Jesus Christ.
2. The “My Needs are Quicksand” Lady
She doesn’t mean to, but her needs don’t seem to end. The time she needs, the help she needs, the advice she needs, the love she needs, the attention she needs will be a never ending cycle and you will ultimately never be enough to meet those needs.
I would suggest you try to help, but until she understands who she can rely on to meet her ultimate needs, she will just continue down this unhealthy cycle.
3. The Emotionally Manipulative Lassie
Emotions are not a bad thing. Compassion, Love, Care, Sadness, Grief, Anger – all of these are good and are helpful in life when appropriate. However, when she seems to USE all those emotions at the drop of a hat – then it’s clear she’s in a pattern of “getting emotional” as a way of manipulation to get what she wants.
Similar to the MELTDOWN GIRL, this stems from a lack of control of her circumstances and she will often play the victim, using her emotions to bend others to do what she needs to them to do.
4. The Gossip Queen
This one might seem like it’s not that big of a deal, but if most of your conversations with her are about other people, run away! The gossiper struggles with 2 things:
1. That somehow knowing and sharing the details of people with other people makes her feel like she’s involved in that story.
2. That she doesn’t feel like anything in her life is all that exciting or worthy of discussion so she spends all of her time wrapped up in the affairs of others.
Not only is this damaging to her (she doesn’t understand her worth to God and that He has a life waiting for her) but you can’t really trust her with your own personal life, in fear that she will not hesitate to share those details with others.
5. The Identify Theft Sheila
She really just doesn’t know who she is. Now, this is nice in the beginning of a relationship because she can become whoever you want her to be (like the things you like, do the things you do, have similar interests) but that will only last so long.
Her identity will always be wrapped up in who she is with, what career path she is on, or what crisis she is working through. Similar to the Gossiper – she doesn’t understand that her real identity is in Jesus Christ and that only in trusting in Him will she feel complete.
LADIES – 5 Men You Should Not Date/Marry
1. The Physical Leech Dude
Ladies, I know you might actually “like” the affection, but the reality is this dude has NO self control. He will tell you “you drive me crazy” and you might fall for the lie that it’s just all about you.
This guy doesn’t have an understanding of physical boundaries and if he’s this way with you… chances are he is this way with others as well. You cannot trust where he’s been or who he has been with. Light a match and get that leech off of you!
2. The Anti-Responsibility Guy
This guy shows up in many different ways. He tends to blame everyone else for his problems. He can’t hold down a job or even a volunteer position for more than a year or two. He avoids serving others because “someone else can do it.”
He doesn’t feel the need to make anything a priority and in every sense of the word he is a victim of life and bad luck. He doesn’t take responsibility for his life, for his health, or for his future. Trust me… He won’t be responsible to love you like Christ loved the church!
3. The “Everything is Cool” Brosef
On the surface, this guy doesn’t seem that bad. He’s not high on the responsibility chart, but he doesn’t really blame others for it. He’s pretty much cool with…. whatever. At the heart of this man, he lacks conviction.
He lacks a sense of clear ideals of right and wrong. He struggles with faith because he doesn’t want to paint himself into a corner. Sure, he’ll be a Christian for a while with you, but will not have the spine to take a stand for anything.
This is not the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. If “everything is cool” then nothing is serious, important, or a moral imperative worth fighting for.
4. The Aimless Wandering Man
This guy is usually not too much of a threat, because they are usually so ambition-less that they can’t find a date. But on the rare chance you tripped over this wandering man and started seeing him – be warned.
A man without goals is a man without purpose for life. He doesn’t understand the value of time, and feels somewhat entitled that things should just “happen” for him. There is no leadership in this man. No drive or ambition worth the risk. If you just stop returning his calls, chances are he won’t even have it in him to pursue you.
5. The Reckless Cliff-Jumper Boy
Playing on the opposite end of Aimless Wondering Man is the Reckless Cliff-Jumping Boy. The perpetual teenager who never wants to grow up. Chances are high that he’s still living with his parents or bumming a place to stay off of some really compassionate friends.
The dangers are pretty obvious, the problem is that this guy is really FUN to be with. He lures you in with the promise of adventure, but he will struggle when that adventure gets difficult and is no longer the “party” he wants.
This is why most relationships end with him finding someone else that’s “more fun” and not “so serious” all the time. Find a guy you can share life with and make it fun – leave the reckless cliff-jumper to his party.
BONUS – For Both MEN & WOMEN
Simply put, you should not date or marry someone who does not share your faith in Jesus Christ! This one should be at the top, because it is so crucial to starting a relationship off on the right foot.
- If you have to drag him to church… run. (This won’t likely change.)
- If you think that dating them will “change” them… flee. (Only the Spirit can change a heart.)
- If he “let’s you” do your own faith thing and doesn’t interfere…end it. (He may start out as being open to it, but as time goes on that will change to a more antagonistic attitude.)
- If you have to lead him spiritually… wait. (I say wait because it could just be a maturity that will come the longer he walks with Christ and once you feel like that has grown – then engage in a relationship with him.)
Remember, the Spirit of God can change all of these men and women. We are NOT those change agents while trying to DATE them. You can be a friend, you can help and point them to absolute hope, but don’t get involved romantically with these men and women. TRUST GOD with every aspect of your relationships and you will never go wrong!