By Don Gentry
Be forewarned that we will be discussing sexual content in the article you are about to read. If you have not listened to or watched the first two sermons in our Who Changed the Rules series, and read the blog post that Matt wrote on Monday, then please do so. This post is written based upon the foundation that has been built thus far. Thanks!
In order to have an A+ sex life, we must understand that the ideal sexual relationship has been designed by God to be enjoyed and experienced within the parameters of a covenantal bond between a man and a woman. We also must start with the idea that God has created our sexual organs with amazing sensory receptors in order to experience extreme pleasure.
Because of our design, we know God intended our sexuality to be enjoyed, within His ideals. Sex is not dirty or shameful. Sex is a beautiful gift from God! If you experience shame or you think that sex is dirty, then I can assure you that you are not experiencing all that God has created for you to enjoy.
If you start with the idea that marital monogamy provides the ideal situation for God’s creation of the perfect sexual relationship, then you’re on track to an A+ sex life. Your sex life, in marriage, is like a thermometer. If you have a temperature, then you try to figure out the cause. You can’t just focus on the fever.
The fever indicates there is a problem. A poor sex life in marriage is the fever that tells us something else is wrong. If your sex life is not fulfilling, then you probably have other issues in your marriage. Here are 5 keys to having an A+ sex life:
5 Keys to an A+ Sex Life
1. Learn the art of intimacy.
The sexual union is the most incredible form of intimacy experienced. It is a reflection of our bond as a couple. Anybody and any beast can have sex; only humans can have an intimate relationship. The reason many marriages suffer sexually is because we have not learned to be intimate with each other.
We don’t share our lives. We don’t communicate what is happening on the inside. Relationships are built upon communication; your level of communication will determine how intimate you will become. When we can learn to bare our souls, then we can truly learn to bare our bodies.
2. Learn to become an artistic lover.
Making love is an art. Every experience is a new piece of artwork. How boring would it be to go to an art museum and see the same painting over and over and over again? Yet often that is exactly how we treat the marriage bed.
If you think sex is dirty, this will never happen in your marriage. Maybe you need to rethink your view of God’s creation. If you have self-esteem issues you will also struggle with this view.
God has created each of us uniquely–different body shapes, styles, and sizes–all beautifully handcrafted by God. Self-esteem issues really hinder us from becoming lovers. There is no way to adequately cover this point, but if you struggle with self-esteem you will struggle with becoming an artist.
If you think that sex is dirty, you will also think that your canvas is flawed. God has created a masterpiece in the human body. It has been created to experience incredible waves of erotic pleasure. That was not an accident.
My wife and I have been married for 18 years and God continues to allow us to experience increased pleasure in His divine gift. Certainly the canvas changes over time; learn to change with it. Learning to be an artist takes time and intentionality. If you address some of the issues that keep us from becoming true artists it will change your sexual fulfillment forever.
3. Get rid of sexual baggage.
As Matt said on Sunday, we are ALL sexually broken people. If you are carrying around guilt from previous or current sexual sins then IT WILL AFFECT any intimacy you will ever desire. God has come to fix our brokenness, but we have to admit that we are broken.
If you have ever committed adultery, had pre-marital sex, had extra-marital sex, used porn to achieve sexual fulfillment, or, as Jesus said, even lusted after someone, then you are sexually broken.
If you have been abused, you will likely carry an entirely different brokenness into marriage. If you can’t communicate through your brokenness with your spouse then you will struggle with ever having an A+ sex life.
4. Don’t withhold sex as a punishment.
If you ever withhold sex as a tool to punish your spouse, then you have a very clear misunderstanding of God’s design and intent for marriage and are not going to experience true sexual intimacy.
5. Practice often.
It saddens me when I counsel couples that no longer have sex. If you are married and you aren’t making love, (except for TRUE medical issues) then you need to address some issues in your marriage.
There is so much more to write, but these issues are always at the top of why people struggle in their marriages to have an A+ sex life. God has designed our bodies for sexual intimacy and pleasure!
It is up to us to desire to see His plan fulfilled in our marriages. It isn’t easy to remain intimate for the long haul, but I can promise you it is possible and it is extremely fulfilling if you are willing to make it a priority!